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Articles Who's judging who?- Social Anxiety continued People with Social Phobia are so afraid of being judged. But who is really doing the judging? Who is really inflicting all the hurt and suffering? When a person won't enter a room because they fear being judged, isn't it that person's belief that they don't measure up that creates the fear? The person with Social Phobia is convinced it will come from someone else, but all while, it's their own judgments which continue to be critical in a most ruthless way. Rejection Perhaps the start of the disorder occurs when a person has spent so much time rejecting themselves; seeing themselves as unworthy, unlikable and flawed, that they develop the expectation that others will also reject them. They begin to feel vulnerable in social situations. This vulnerability causes high levels of anxiety and a range of anxiety symptoms. The manifestation of these symptoms in the presence of others intensifies the belief that they will be rejected. The desperate need to prevent this from occurring only heightens anxiety. ('If people see how scared I am, they won't like / accept me') The need to be in control, to hide their symptoms and appear 'normal' is usually so arduous a task they prefer not to subject themselves to social situations. I used to hate going out so much. I'd do anything to avoid it. The only problem was, I didn't dare tell anyone what was going on, so every now and then I'd get invited to go somewhere. From the first moment I'd think everyone was looking at me. I couldn't stand the thought of talking to someone, so I'd go off to a corner to be alone. I'd look around the room and think all the other women were prettier, funnier, more confident than me. The more I sat alone, the more I hated myself for it. By the time I could make a respectable retreat back home I was exhausted. I felt like I had just done ten rounds in a boxing ring. When I really thought about it, I realised no-one had actually done anything to me, I'd done it all myself. All those people I was so afraid of didn't do anything. They'd just sensed I wanted to be alone and they left me to it. Then I started to wonder why I was doing this to myself. Why was I behaving in ways which could lead to someone thinking I was strange, while being so afraid of this very outcome? Then it dawned on me. It wasn't to do with what other people thought of me, it was all about what I thought of me! It sounds so simple, but it was a revelation. That meant I could stop seeing other people as the reason for my anxiety and start working on what it was within me which bought about my feelings of unworthiness. Treatment Social Phobia is just one way anxiety can manifest. The key to recovery is the development of anxiety management skills and then practicing them in anxiety provoking situations. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy has been proven to be the most effective form of treatment. Relaxation techniques such as meditation also help. Addressing Self Esteem issues adds to the overall healing process. Reprinted with the permission of the Panic Anxiety Disorder Association Inc, Newsletter  |
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Last modified: June 12, 2007